I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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