My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
