Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
