i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
