Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
