is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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