the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Randomize
