I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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