Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize