I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
no you cant smoke seaweed
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
