My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
