I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
