I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
