Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
