Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
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