I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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