I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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