i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He felt like a one man threesome
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
