Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
