she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
