She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
