Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
