it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
