how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Boobs speak an international language.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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