i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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