you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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