1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
