i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
