Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
