I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
