Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
