She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Randomize
