We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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