At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Dicks are not precious.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
