I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
