Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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