I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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