i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
