What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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