Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
