it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
