Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
