So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
