dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
In America we eat man semen.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
