Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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