does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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