I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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