Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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