drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
