Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
