i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
