at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
