at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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