Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Randomize
