I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
