Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
