Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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