so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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