maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
