The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
