Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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