But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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