oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
