see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
