you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
