I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
he thought i was a dude.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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