Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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