if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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