i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
