I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
