I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
