This is not my ceiling
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
