so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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