Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
