I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
