Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
should my penis look like a turkey
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
