i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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