you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
