You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
